If your child has started saying "I'm not a math person," you're not alone. I hear some version of this from almost every family I work with. And I get it, because I used to say the same thing about myself.
What follows is what I wish someone had told me when I was your child's age. If it resonates, feel free to share it with them.
I get asked this question often: "Were you good at math when you were in school?" The assumption is that a math teacher must've been good at math—loved it, even—to want to teach it every day. I've met teachers like that. People who loved math so much they switched careers just to get to teach it.
But that wasn't my path. Mine started with being a "bad" math student. It took me years to realize that was never true. Now I teach math every day.
That's not entirely accurate. When I was very little, I completed math workbooks for fun. I enjoyed math until I didn't understand it anymore.
This probably happened around 5th or 6th grade. I discovered I loved art and drawing. Math class started to feel like it was written in a language I didn't speak, and I decided I just wasn't a "math person."
I wasn't the only one, either. All the kids I knew eventually divided themselves into two camps: good at math and bad at math. Adults did this too. Even at my afterschool daycare, the counselors would have to admit they couldn't help with my homework and tell me to go find a "math person" instead.
If you're reading this as a student, you've probably already placed yourself in the "bad at math" camp and decided that you, too, are not a "math person." Maybe it's not too bad, and you only struggle with certain parts of math. Or maybe it's become a daily struggle, and you're ready to write off the whole "math" thing.
Before you do, hear me out.
"Math people" don't exist
Sure, there are people who seem naturally better at math, people who enjoy working through difficult problems and who find solutions faster. But they don't have an extra part in their brain or a magical ability. They're learning the exact same math skills that you are. And you wouldn't quit a sport just because someone on the team is better than you.
Imagine if you always gave up as soon as something became more difficult—every video game, every book, every contest, every new thing you've ever tried. You're probably proud of the things you accomplished precisely because they were hard at first. And then you figured them out. The special skills you're really good at are things you think about all the time—always trying to improve, always practicing.
Math, like it or not, really is no different.
Thinking you're bad at math just makes you worse
Think about the last time you had a hard math problem you couldn't solve. You probably looked at it and thought, I'm not really sure how to do this, but I'll try.
Eventually, you got to a point where you were more confused than when you started. Your brain hurt. You were ready to start guessing. And you thought, this is why I'm not a math person. What did you do next? If you're like the rest of us "bad at math" people, you gave up.
Here's the first thing I wish I had known when I was younger: the biggest difference between so-called "math people" and everyone else is that they go through exactly the same experience, but when they get to the point of giving up, they... don't. They keep trying, eliminating different possibilities until they land on the answer.
Telling yourself it's okay to give up because you're already bad at math is the main reason you're not improving.
I wish that when I first had that experience and thought "I'm not a math person," I had known to add yet to the end of that sentence.
"Math people" make the most mistakes
If you're thinking of a "math person" in your life, they're probably called that because math seems so easy for them. They can rattle off math facts and do mental math like they're drinking water. When your class starts a new skill, they're probably the one who gets it first and winds up explaining it to everyone else. They must be geniuses!
Here's their dirty secret: "math people" get good at math only because they make lots of mistakes, learn from them, and remember what went wrong next time. The more they try, the more mistakes they learn from, and the faster they get.
By the time they do it in class, it seems like they're pulling answers out of thin air—but the truth is they've been practicing behind the scenes and making all their mistakes before anyone sees.
What makes a "math person" is really just comfort with making lots of mistakes until they truly understand what they're doing.
We are all math people
In high school, I managed to double up my math courses and get just-good-enough grades so that I never had to take math again. I never planned to return to it.
Later, I picked up tutoring work on the side and quickly realized that math was what most students needed help with. So I sat down with a textbook, retaught myself high school math, and fell absolutely in love.
I started to see math everywhere: music, art, sports, fashion, gardening, history, even the weather. I went down the rabbit hole: the math cults of ancient Greece, the strange history of math and spiritualism, the fractals and mysterious patterns hidden in nature.
The more I practiced, the more fun I had showing off my mental math—splitting the dinner check (plus tip!) in my head. I started to spot the bogus "math" that marketers use to sell scams and suspicious products. I felt confident enough to dig into city engineering, economic policies, local architecture, car mechanics, and technology.
That's when I fell in love with teaching—specifically, teaching math to students who thought they were "bad" at it. Watching a student get past that moment, adding yet to the end of their sentence, sharing in the excitement when they realize they're solving problems all on their own—I became hooked.
Everyone has an innate math ability and a built-in capacity to enjoy learning.
One last thing
I know that if I told all this to my younger self, she probably wouldn't totally believe me. "You're just trying to get me to do more math." Well, yes, I'd say. That's the only way you'll get better. That's the only way for it to be fun again.
Here's the last thing I wish I'd known back then: it takes time. Some people take more time than others, but everyone takes time to get good at math. So the next time you get stuck or frustrated, it's okay to say "I'm not a math person."
Just remember to add that yet to the end.
A note for parents: If any of this sounds like your child, know that what you're seeing is common and fixable. The students I work with have learned to believe they lack ability. That belief is what we work on together, alongside the math itself. If you'd like to talk about what you're seeing at home, book a free 20-minute consultation.